The Phrases given by A Father That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider failure to talk among men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."