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Personally crave insights from people about handling life’s midpoint hurdles, for example existential reckonings, fading relevance, developing a neck resembling a melted timepiece along with a recent enthusiasm about property shows. Recently, I discovered Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 in an interview: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

My first thought was: doesn’t this conflict about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Perhaps you’re one too. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? Does your detailed response to “How are you?” have your interlocutor edging away uncomfortably? Upon hearing “exciting” ideas, do you make a face as if you’ve tasted something vile? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.