🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist focusing on addressing sexual disorders.